NANCY
Division Institutional Training, yes we are a real place. [pause] I know you didn't ask, we were told to say that whenever anyone calls. [pause] Well because you might think we were made up simply for the sake of a piece of art or a dramatic performance or novel or short story or novella. [pause] No we don't get that question a lot. [pause] Well I don't know why you would think that, I'm just doing what I'm told. [pause; repeating the question to ponder it:] What do we do? Well...[pause]...well, we...[pause]...well, we're a division, which means that we're a part of something...something larger...and we're involved in...in...training......institutions...like maybe prisons or schools or people who have been around so long they're thought of as being indispensable. Like Alan Greenspan before he retired. Or the Harlem Globetrotters. [pause] No, not the original Harlem Globetrotters. [pause] Because they're probably all retired. Or dead. [pause] I don't know when the Harlem Globetrotters were founded. [pause] I don't know how to get tickets. [long pause] Well, that's rather rude, sir, and any way I happen to know a great deal about lot of things. [pause] Like make-up. And the Hell's Angels. And pasta dishes. And Middle Eastern politics. And Soap. [pause] No not the stuff you clean with, the American situation comedy starring Richard Mulligan that ran from the late 70s to the early 80s. [pause] Richard Mulligan. [pause; even slower] Richard---Mulligan. [pause] He was on Empty Nest. [pause] Empty Nest! [pause] It was a situation comedy from 1988 to 1995 that was a spin off of Golden Girls and also starred David Leisure as the next door neighbor. [pause] To Richard Mulligan. [pause] David---Leisure. [pause] He played Joe Isuzu on Isuzu car commercials from 1986 to 1990 and again from 1999 to 2001. [pause] No I don't know what he was doing between 1990 and 1999. Maybe he took some time off. [pause] Maybe he was burned out or wanted to branch out or his wife was sick and he wanted to spend more time with his son or he has a nervous breakdown or a midlife crisis or panic attacks or wanted to write his memoirs. [pause] About being Joe Isuzu or on Empty Nest. [pause] With Richard Mulligan. [pause] The actor on Soap. [pause] That's right, a sitcom, not the stuff you clean with. [pause] Well, I do happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. [pause] No I'm not looking it all up on wikipedia, I don't even have a computer, just a desk and a phone. [referring to the sign] And a sign. [pause] It says: "Division Institutional Training, Yes We Are a Real Place." [pause] Well if you really want to know it's my first day on the job. They just told me to sit at the desk and answer the phone and say what it says on the sign. [pause] Well, you're the first person who called. [pause] Well, you sound rather cute yourself. [pause; laughs] No... [pause; laughs more] No.............. [pause; laughs] I don't even know you. [pause] How do I know you're not an ax murderer or a serial killer...or an mortgage broker. [pause] You are? [pause] You do? [pause] You would? [pause] Really? [pause] Reallllly? [pause] Well, 5 o'clock, why? [pause] Realllllllllllllllllly. [pause] I'd like that too. [pause] Okay. [pause] Yes, I will. [pause] 156 Main Street. [pause] Well, I told you we are a real place. [pause; laughs] Yeah, I do too. [pause; earnest] Yes, I am too. I really am. [smiles] Okay, see you then. [pause] Goodbye. [pause] Bye. [starts to put down the phone] What's that...? [pause; then smiles] Nancy. What's your... [pause] That's a nice name. [pause] Bye, Edgar.NANCY hangs up the phone. Smiles to herself. A nice long moment. Then, goes back to her book. Just as she does, the phone rings: she picks it up.
NANCY
Division Institutional Training, yes we are a real place. [pause] I know you weren't asked, we were told to say that whenever anyone calls...Lights fade to black.
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