At rise, a middle aged man, SIMON
sits behind desk with a large sign that says "Information," reading a newspaper. Another man, BOB
enters, walking up to the desk, clearly lost.
SIMON
[at the newspaper]
You don't say.
BOB
Excuse me...
SIMON
[to Bob; referring to the paper]
Did you know that there are more people alive at this moment than have ever lived?
BOB
[stopped in his tracks]
I...no, I didn't know that.
SIMON
It really boggles the mind doesn't it?
BOB
I suppose...seems a bit obvious really.
SIMON
[pause; looks up, slightly perturbed by this comment]
Can I help you?
BOB
[politely]
Oh, yes. Well, I need some information...
SIMON
[towards the sign above his head]
Obviously.
BOB
[still politely, more so even]
Oh, yes...well...I see. Yes.
SIMON
This
would be the place to be. For information.
BOB
Of course.
Pause.
SIMON
Well?
BOB
[at a loss]
Well?
SIMON
What sort of information would you like?
BOB
Oh, yes. I need to know...
SIMON
Because you
obviously weren't happy with the information I gave you.
BOB
[
pause;
at a loss again] Yes? What information was that?
SIMON
The information I gave you about there being more people alive in the world at this very moment than there have ever been at any other time in the history of mankind!
BOB
Yes...
SIMON
Or
womankind.
BOB
Yes...
SIMON
Or any other
kind for that matter.
BOB
I'm...[
slight pause] I'm sorry, but...if I said anything to offend you.
SIMON
[terse]
Oh no. No, no, no. No. Why should I be offended.
BOB
Oh good.
SIMON
I mean, why would anyone be offended. Just because they offered up what
they thought was a perfectly good piece of
vital information, information that they thought would be of use, only to be told, quite
abruptly, that no, that information was, was...[
pause]
BOB
Obvious?
SIMON
Obvious. OBVIOUS! And of course, it IS obvious. It's downright common knowledge to a person of your intelligence, your cognition, your worldly experience, your height, your stature, your omnipotence!
BOB
Omniscience.
SIMON
What?
BOB
[helpful]
I think you meant omniscience.
SIMON
[after a pause; dangerous]
What?
BOB
You see, omniscience means all knowing, which was along the lines of what you were getting at, while omnipotent means...
SIMON
Get out!
BOB
I only wanted to...
SIMON
Get the hell out of here before I kick your discursive ass out of here myself!
BOB
I only wanted to know what platform the 11:35 train to...
SIMON
I said GET OUT OF HERE!
NOW!!!
BOB
leaves, quickly, almost bumping into MICHAEL
who is entering from the direction BOB
had originally entered. SIMON
stands, huffing and puffing with anger. MICHAEL
approaches the desk.
MICHAEL
Excuse me?
SIMON
What do
you want?
MICHAEL
I was wondering if you would tell me...
SIMON
What?
MICHAEL
...what time the next train to Springfield leaves?
Pause; SIMON
stares at him, stone still.
SIMON
Did you know there are more people alive at this moment than have ever lived?
Pause; MICHAEL
stands there, not knowing what to say, caught in SIMON
's unflinching gaze.
SIMON
Well? [
pause] What do you think of that?
MICHAEL
It's...interesting.
SIMON
Interesting?
MICHAEL
Yes. I'd...never thought of it like that.
SIMON
Mmm. [
pause] 11:00.
MICHAEL
Yes?
SIMON
The train. To Springfield. 11:00.
MICHAEL
Oh. Yes.
SIMON
[sitting back down behind the desk]
Better hurry, or you'll just miss.
MICHAEL
Oh. Yes. Thank you very much.
SIMON
[back in the newspaper]
Don't mention it.
MICHAEL
exits, hastily. SIMON
goes back to the newspaper.
SIMON
[to the newspaper]
You don't say.